im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
