So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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