This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
