If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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