Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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