thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
