too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
