This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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