wrigley field is MILF paradise
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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