Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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