I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
