My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
