He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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