dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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