youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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