Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
