I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
