I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
