You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
