i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
