so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
