I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
