I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
