I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she peed on how many people?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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