Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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