what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
