Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
