Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
