So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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