nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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