Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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