So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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