I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
