God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
