You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
