I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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