Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
