I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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