I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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