and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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