How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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