I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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