I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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