finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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