I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
