I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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