ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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