I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
