He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize