I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
