Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
