I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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