Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
