I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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