it wasn't lemon gatorade
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
