I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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