so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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