I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
