she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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