my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
