It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
