We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
