I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
