two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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