you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
