Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
