I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
