I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
