the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
we should paint friendship bongs
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