I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
