I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
