When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
