so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
