dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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