I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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