You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
