Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
