i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
