girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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