I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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