Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
