Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want her autograph on my taint
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
