He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
