we have officially lost it.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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