So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
