textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
