I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
