Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
