WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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