so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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