I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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