And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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